Buckle Your Seatbelts…

This one is a doozy…

I had an hour long meeting about my attitude and the temperature of the department at large today. I was told I had been very critical and “biting” lately.  I was told to get over my repeated attempts to steer away from disaster re: the menu editor.  I was pumped for gossip about my coworkers.  How do I explain this? You are out of the loop because you are a terrible manger and everyone hates you.  I was also given a lecture about manager/underling relations.  I didn’t know having a conversation on the ride home was a problem, let alone any of her business.  Oh and then I got a gentle email reminding me that mental health services are covered by our insurance.  So many things were wrong with today I can’t even blog coherently about all the different ways this day was made out of fail

Here’s an excerpt from an email I sent another coworker, with some of the more personal details edited out:

Here are things that make me angry:

I want her salary for doing her job. She told me today I should just handle ALL the RDS stuff without her involvement. What does she do again?

Stop telling me I need to act on my own, and then invariably tell me I am wrong.

Stop asking me to gossip about my coworkers. If I think something is a problem, I def. bring it up of my own accord. Any conversation that occurs outside of 232 Madison, especially if I was drunk, is none of her business.

Either I help with staffing decisions or I don’t. Don’t demand I do what is very clearly your job (to me) and give you a half assed hours breakdown that plays with anyone’s employment, and then dismiss me when I tell you I have no use for a temp anymore. Her menus are steadily getting worse as her departure date nears.

She does not treat people equally. There are heroes and there are goats. I’ve been on both sides of the line multiple times, and her moods seem to change with the tides.

We don’t have a nap room

Sarah found the SeamlessWeb Gift Card page. Through google, she couldn’t find it on the real page either. They are VISA gift cards – fedex overnight shipping for one is 27 bucks. That takes balls.

The menu editor sucks and our IT department is ghetto and or largely incompetent. Want me to pretend otherwise? You’ll probably have to start buying me Prozac.

So many things are wrong. I need a vacation.

Today

Still hate my job and still on the verge of financial ruin, but today one nice thing happened, that while probably not very significant, made me be not miserable for the duration of the day.

It really takes so little to make me happy…

How is it March already?

Ow. I think I crippled myself trying to get my front door after the cat ripped up the carpet in front of it.

One more day of work. Today was so busy it was laughable, couldn’t even get stressed.  Could be pretty cranky about some passive-agressive bullshit in the morning though.

Got a much needed haircut after it took me 20 minutes to get the knots out of my hair this morning. Little shorter than I wanted, but I’ll live.

Maybe some corn fritters this weekend if there’s no weather to freak out my grandmother.

Probably nothing on Saturday as per usual.  Maybe The Watchmen. Maybe not though. I have a feeling it might suck. Though It’s playing in Bay Ridge so I can see it in the cheap (if crappy) theater. Maybe I can talk someone into going… probably not though. I try for some optimism here and there (believe it or not, on rare occasions).

I’ve gotten three hours of sleep pretty much all week. I hope to not have a repeat tonight.

I’m going to eat pancakes.

I’m trying. It’s hard.

Here We Go…

Alright, so I didn’t win Mega Millions.  Bummer. I didn’t need to be greedy and win 212 million, just a couple of hundred bucks would help immensely.

But they don’t even give you two bucks when you get two numbers, so decisions need making.

I think I’m going to find out exactly how bad it will be if I just don’t pay my bills this month and pay the lawyer instead.  What can they do? I have about 700 bucks. If I pay 700 or so out of this check I have 1400. I need 1900.  If I sell the majority of my video games, that’s a couple of hundred (if they sell). That plus dipping into the next paycheck should get me over the edge.  I don’t know what else to do.  I’m so far out of options, I need my half assed plan to work.

I have a massive headache.

I wish 90% of the people I know didn’t have March birthdays. Sorry guys If I don’t end up in jail for contempt of court and/or this actually goes through,  next year might actually be better.  For real this time.

I keep telling myself that with will be the turnaround, that things will get better. I’m not entirely sure I believe that’s true…

I might feel defeated, and I might hang my head. I might be barely breathing but I’m not dead.

Sunday Night Dread Setting In

Have I mentioned how hilarious bankruptcy fees are? While I’m glad to find out I’m still under the cap, it’s laughable that someone with no money would be expected to magically produce very close to 2000 bucks. It would take me 3 months to cover that, and that’s if I didn’t pay any bills, which would get me hauled back into court quickly. The blue book value of my car isn’t even enough to cover it, and I own nothing else of value.  And yet, I don’t have a choice. Good times.

I somehow found out how much more I could hate my job. I think I’m public enemy #1 after getting in the middle of some HS level feud BS.  I really really don’t mind people venting at me. At all. God knows I do enough of it myself.  But involving me in your feuds = not cool.  And it’s made me highly paranoid about who I can trust. The answer is probably no one.

I feel so isolated. I’m very close to thirty, with a miserable job situation and next to no friends. I thought I was so different from my mother. I don’t think I am anymore. Except it seems like she managed to get whatever her version of happy is.  Where’s mine? Hell, what is mine? I don’t even know.

I’m not the most social person. A lot of the time I am ok alone.  The times when I am not suck.

I’m on my last beer and might get snowed in tomorrow. Not sure which weather outcome I am rooting for honestly.

I would like a do-over of the last several years please. At least.

Oh yes…

These things that have comforted me I drive away…

Shallow:  So pretty to look at. Song soooo awesome….and oh so pretty to look at…

Tired Brain Post

The amount of money it costs to declare bankruptcy is hilarious. If I had that laying around I’d be in significantly less awful shape.

I’m not sure how much more I can possibly hate my job at the moment. Too much work to finish every day, yet I get asked how I am spending my time.

Hadn’t gone out anywhere in forvever. The probable result of that is that I got so drunk on Friday I couldn’t swipe my metrocard. I liked it. It was fun and I was happy.

The Wrestler was great.

Some dumb fuck pulled the emergency brake on the R today.  On a day where I had no one to talk to and my ipod was almost out of juice. Bastard.

I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to sleep.

Have you ever seen a one armed man, swinging at nothing but the breeze? If you’ve ever seen a one-armed man then you’ve seen me.

So…

In the year 2009, what does it mean if a boy expresses interest in transferring to your World of Warcraft server?

Same Old Story Same Old Act

And then, on top of about a million other things… I get sued. Again. Fucker taped the summons to my landlord’s door. Classy.

I keep waiting for it to stop and it doesn’t.

Thinking…

of deleting all the whiny stuff so no one has to look at it.