Idol Gives Back Week of Self Righteous Ick Part Three – Chopped and Screwed Night

Wow.

Did not expect that at all.

Goodbye hot Aussie boy. We’ll always have the studio version of “It’s All Wrong But It’s Alright.”

Idol Gives Back Week of Self Righteous Ick Part Two – The Extravaganza

See if you can figure out at what point I got bored.

1. We open with a bizarre group sing. +10 for Ryan dancing.

2. Teri Hatcher’s boobs look weird. That’s all I have to have to say about that.

3. The Jonas Brothers are creepy.

4. Billy Crystal is long past his funny prime.

5. Bleep-Bloop over Miley fucking Cyrus.  I uh… might find See You Again to be a guilty pleasure.

6. Michael Johns needs to upsize his t-shirt.

7. Wow, Julienne Moore cannot read cue cards.

8. OOOOH HEART! Ugh… Fergie.

9. Mmmm David Beckham.

10. Ok. Annie Lennox made me cry. I am not made of stone.

11. Commercial break: Oh, poor Meatloaf.

12. Dane Cook has gotten fat and has never been funny.

13.  Seasons of Love/Shout to the Lord – I love a good cheesey group sing, especially one that ends in a pointy pose. But it’s really time to admit that this years crop of dancing monkeys can’t sing together in a way that is at all pleasant. They can’t harmonize for shit.

Until next year…

Idol Gives Back Week of Self Righteous Ick Part One

Michael Johns – made weird screechy jungle noises on my tv. Back to unpleasant. This comes from someone who is currently playing the hell out of his studio version of “It’s All Wrong But It’s All Right.” Come back to the light Michael.

Syesha – Dear American Idol contestants. Doing the puppies and rainbows coronation songs of previous idols is a really bad idea. Especially this one, which is actually about puppies and rainbows. Syesha: Way to admit on national TV that no one likes you. Also you are not as good as you think you are.

Jason – MAJOR BIAS ALERT – OMG UKULELE! How much do I love this boy? SO MUCH.

Kristy – Yawn. Get off my TV.

David Cook – Yawn. Still have love.

Carly – Dear Everyone: You are not Freddie Mercury. Stop.

Archuletta – Yawn. Bored me to tears as usual.

Brooke – Yawn. Bored me to tears, difference from Archie is I used to enjoy her somewhat.

I see a recurrent theme for tonight. Here’s hoping the IGB “extravaganza” brings some cheese and/or entertainment.